For the past several years, I have been a firm believer that inter-belief dating is a bad idea. Not that I'm one of those people who think that someone who doesn't believe the same as I do is evil, or a heathen or whatnot. But rather, because it is difficult to combine two lives completely when there is such a variance in belief.
I want to be able to share my life with the person I am with, and having a different faith makes that hard, because it's a part of my life I don't know how to share without to be forcing it on them. As much as I can handle them not believing the same, to some degree it does hurt, because I can't share in their joy of that either.
Last night, the boyfriend told me that while he does believe in God, he doesn't really know if he can connect with being a Christian, because he believes that all the religions must have something right. That if they're all combined together, that the answer is in there. He doesn't really like church, and though he will attend with me if I ask sometimes, he doesn't think the answer is there.
To some degree, I'm fine with this. I respect that he is searching for the truth instead of just accepting something being told with him. That he is willing to admit that while one might be right, until the search for truth leads him to that conclusion he's going to keep searching.
I love that he's not a blind sheep, conforming to rules and regulations just because.
But there's a part of me that is crestfallen, because this is going to make things a lot harder. It's going to be harder because everyone already is pestering me about the whole equally-yoked issue. Because my parents keep telling me they're terrified if he's not a Christian that I'm going to lose my faith (to which I point out if someone can change my faith then I clearly didn't believe in the first place).
Mom won't get off my back about the fact that he hasn't come to church with us yet.
That stuff is all hard, but it's expected. True; God says in the Bible we shouldn't be unequally-yoked. But I think it also says something that despite his faith, the BF is incredible, treats me like gold, and sincerely likes me, which is more than I can say about any other guys I've ever dated, including the Christian ones.
And honestly, the Christian ones are never actually interested in me. I'm either too extreme in my thinking (not extreme as in fundie, but as in open-mindedness), I'm too nerdy, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not this, I'm too much that. I often wonder if a lot of Christian guys have this idea in their head that the Christian women to be married are the ones who fit the 'ideal' Christian woman category, and that anything outside of it just isn't right.
But I'm rambling. I think my biggest struggle comes into play with the fear of showing him my God-passionate side. I don't want him to feel I'm trying to force my faith onto him, but for me, my faith is my life. I live it, I breathe it. I just don't want it to be too much.
i don't know, i sincerely hope this works out for you! personally, though, as an atheist, i could never date a religious person. i think of it as a matter of respect...how can i ever feel respected by someone who thinks im going to hell or whatever? and how can i respect someone who believes in stuff that i think is made up? but i hope you two can find a convergence here :)
ReplyDeletehey found you through 20sb!! this is a good post.
ReplyDeleteI feel that it is hard been in an inter belief relasionship but i think if you want to be together you will work through no person or relasionship is perfect and there always thing you'll have to work on or there's always things about the other person you wont like but you put up with them because the good things outweight the bad.
he sounds like a keep and although it might be hard it'll make you stronger
that struggle and part of you that is crestfallen is GOD speaking to your heart. We're called to have men who love god more then us. How then can they really know HOW to love us without the love of GOD in them and the spirit of god molding them into what we NEED? I have been where you are and the whole new-age GOD IS IN ALL RELIGIONS idea is talked about in the bible.
ReplyDeleteThis all boils down to a matter of faith. Are you chasing your relationship more than you are chasing GOD? Are you putting GOD aside to appease something OF THIS WORLD knowing GOD IS NOT?
the faith you have inside is supernatural. IT LITERALLY cannot be described no matter how hard we explain it. It's the unlocking of hope and truth GOD placed in ALL of us from the beginning.
Nobody GOES to hell. people choose to go to HELL. And GOD weeps and pours out his heart the whole time they're running to hell and feeding the flesh.
I wish I could encourage you that things will get better but I've been there. GOD will have his way and he wants ALL OF US hun. He's a jealous GOD what can i say? but I really think he gets the short end of the stick wanting US so much. Cuz we really aren't that great.
<3cheche
I just had a discussion with my boyfriend about this. We have been having problems lately and the issue of our beliefs came up. I am a Christian. He went to catholic High school and when I first met him in college, I believed he was a Christian. It wasn't until about a year into dating (we have now been together almost 4 years) that I realized he really wasn't a Christian and he does NOT believe in God, so it really bothered me since I was under the impression that he did. He doesn't like going to church and I feel that I can never talk about my beliefs with him. For instance, I'll tell him I'm praying for him about something but for me, he will only say he is "sending good thoughts my way." It's hard for me to try to talk about my faith because he doesn't think it's logical. He has had a few near death experiences and is very blessed in his life. I want so badly for him to believe in God and know that God loves him. It's frustrating. I love him and want us to be together but I wonder if God is telling me that we shouldn't be. We shouldn't be yoked with unbelievers, but at the same time, shouldn't we love everyone? I could be the only person who could show him and teach him about God.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with you and the BF. I'd suggest that u keep praying about it and see how it goes.
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